Calling an end to a relationship isn’t easy. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for a few weeks, or many years, you have history with this other person, you have had an emotional connection and have allowed them to get intimately close to you. This person is someone who at one time you loved with all your heart, and would have trusted with your life.
If you are considering that it’s time to walk away from this person, then you’re probably right – but before you do, consider the following:
- Have you told your partner how you feel about your relationship?
- Are they intentionally doing something that you really hate enough to say ‘that is it, I am out of here’?
- Is it possible that they’re unaware of how you feel?
- Before you say no, think about it. Have you actually said to them, I hate it when you do this because it makes me unloved/disrespected/ignored/whatever?
Women in particular are prone to believe that just because they’ve stomped, sighed and slammed everything in sight for the past few months, that their partners know exactly what the problem is. Not so! Many men are completely blindsided when their partners leave them, and when they find out why don’t understand why their partner never discussed it with them at a time when it could have been sorted! Unless they are exceptionally perceptive, or clairvoyant, if you haven’t actually sat your partner down and told him why you’re mad, he’s probably completely oblivious to it.
Are you sure that there’s no possibility for compromise? Sometimes in a relationship both partners get caught up in a power struggle. It could be over who controls the finances, or who makes the decisions and why, or it could be simply who holds the television remote – chances are if it’s the remote control issue that’s got you packing your bags, you need to sit down and think about what’s really going wrong in your relationship! Power struggles are most likely to happen in the early stages of a serious relationship these days when both parties are trying to assert their independence and are keen not to be seen as the weaker partner.
Equally, women who have been in a relationship for 20+ years may suddenly find that they are in a power struggle because early in their relationship they accepted the socially accepted role of the male dominant, but society has moved on from there and now these women are finding a voice – a voice that’s not familiar or perhaps welcomed by their partner. In these situations, a compromise can often be reached and the services of relationship guidance professional should be able to get you to see if this is possible for your relationship. If you still love your partner, you just can’t live with the constant battle for power, then this is certainly a relationship that could be saved if you’re committed enough to accept a compromise solution.
Are there children involved? If so, what’s best for them? If you are in a relationship that’s abusive in any way for you and/or the children then you should walk without a backward glance. Yes, children are usually thought to be better with two parents, but not many people believe they thrive in an abusive environment. Similarly, if you and your partner are constantly fighting, then at least a separation should be considered until you can sort out if you can save your relationship. A negative home atmosphere isn’t healthy for children who begin to act out because of security issues – just be sure to keep enforcing the point that this isn’t their fault.
Calling a day on a relationship is one of the hardest things to do. Leaving a partner you love or loved, perhaps a home you’ve lived in for some time, and having to start over isn’t something that most people do without much thought. However, fear of that fresh start isn’t a reason to stay in a relationship that’s making you miserable. Carefully consider what the real problem is in the relationship. Talk it over with your partner. If you don’t get the answers that you’re looking for, and they aren’t interested enough in saving their relationship with you to seek help from a professional counselor, then that’s when you know it’s time to say ‘Goodbye’ and move on.